Signing Off

I thank everyone for reading and supporting me. Thank You All !! And good luck to you.
Peace Out --Melissa

Thanks Skillz!

Fuck Off Haters

To the Hater that says I'm sick in the head and so is he. You know there does happen to be people out there that like to help other people. I want him to help other people. I was trying to help the woman too. But me onley being 6 months clean I don't think its a good idea that I live with someone still useing. now is it? Dumb ass!! Fuck Off and don't read a drug addicts blog if you feel that way. K

I Will Not Fail Myself I'm Stronger Then That & He Can Fuck Off

Don't worry evrybody I will not use because I've come to far. I'll be fine just pissed off. But anyway if you don't here from me anymore its because I went home. I've appreciated everyones support throughout my recovery and I wish the best to all of you. PEACE OUT EVRYONE!! --Melissa

He blows my mind, I'm scared for myself

I can't beleive it he has already moved another heroin addict into the house. Because I told him I was going to move home. He actually had the nerve to ask me " would you mind sleeping on the bed in the living room from know on ". This is a one bedroom apartment. I said thats fine because I thought he ment he wanted to sleep in the bedroom. So I said where is she gonna sleep. He said in the bedroom with me. I said thats fine with me. i could care less about another women sleeping with him in the bed but kicking me out of my room when I'm onley gonna be here a little while longer. Could'nt he wait til' I left? And on top of that she can't get into the methadone clinis until next week somtime so she is still USEING HEROIN, In my house. I am scared to death for myself. Am I strong enough to be in the same house with someone shooting up in the bathroom. He just took her to fucking cop dope a minute ago. He said hey I'll be back in an hour get the laundry out of the dryer in 30min. Does he think I'm fucking stupid. I know that shes useing. I can't beleive that he would put my sobriety in jepordy for somthing as stupid as waiting a week or two to move another drug addict in this house. Oh dear Lord evreybody pray for my strength and let me get through this. I have to get the fuck out of hear asap!!!!!!!--Melissa a.k.a. Miss Heroin

Coloring with Zachary

Me and my son colored this picture together the last time he was here. He did the car and I did the flame. Hes getting realy good at staying in the lines. But onley if the pictures for him cuz when its for me its one color on everything and he just scribbles the whole page. Hes so funny like that. And always has to sign his name Spiderman never Zachary or Zak. And thats him sitting on top of his fire truck bed. What a cuttie pie huh?

Going Home

First of all I want to say thank you to everybody for complimenting my drawing. I always enjoyed drawing when I was in school and I seemed to be pretty good at it. It was somthing that me and my grandma shared. I always wanted to be good at drawing and sewing like her. Anyway thank you!!
I finaly had a long talk with my Mom yesterday on the phone about me coming home. The conversation did'nt start out that way but it ended that way. I just was calling her to see how my son was doing because he had some kind of stomach flu this weekend and was throwing up all weekend and then my Mom got it when he got better. So I called to see how thy were doing. We were just talking about how her divorce was going and how I was doing. Just a normal conversation. And the guy I live with was siting right there listening as useaule. But I did'nt have anything that I was trying to hide so I did'nt care. When I got of the phone I could tell he was pissed. He said to me " So i guess when you get your takehome methadone its see ya later to me". I just looked at him. He said so i take that as a yes. I said how do you expect me to ever be with my son if I don't move back home and my Mom needs my help right now. Shes 47 years old going through a divorce with her own son who is 20 still living at home and depending on her and shes trying to raise my 4 year old son also. She needs my help and my son needs me in his life more than once a month. So he got furious and stormed out the door. When he left I called my Mom back on the phone because I had had it with putting on an act like I'm happy living here. I asked here if she thought it would be okay with my stepdad if I came home to live. She said oh come on Melissa you know how much he loves you, your the onley reason that we stayed married as long as we did and when you left we fell apart because you wer'nt there to hold us together. I was shocked she said that to me but i was releaved too because I did'nt know if she wanted me to come home. So she asked me what I was going to do about needing the Methadone everyday. I told her that I wanted to go to Sacred Heart (a realy good rehab that I've been to before) to detox off of the methadone. She thought that was a good idea. I told her I had enough money for a cheap car. Because I figured that she would'nt want me to come home if I did'nt have a car. But she told me I shoul'nt be worrying about a car right now and just to think about getting clean and getting home first. That was another releif. I've been beating my brains out worrying about getting a car before I could go home. So much stress was lifted off my shoulders yesterday after I talked to my Mom. So then a couple hours later when the guy I live with came home he was in a completley differant mood. He came in my room and said he needed to talk to me so to come in the kitchen when I was done watching tv. So I did and he said so if this is what you want I cant stop you because everybody deserves to be happy and I knew this day would come and I know that your Mom needs your help right now and that you need to be with your son. He asked me so what do you want to take with you. I said just my stuff. My clothes, jewlery, paperwork and thats about it. I don't plan on asking for my computers even though you dont know how to even turn them on because I know that they cost alot of money and my laptop is'nt even payed for yet. he said that sounds fair. He asked me if I would leave all my pictures on the wall of me, my son and my family because he wanted to keep them on the wall. I said thats fine I can make more because I have copies of them all. So everything is finaly falling in place and I am so happy about that. I was starting to get very deppresed I did'nt even want to get out of bed anymore. I had nothing to get up for. Nowhere to go knowone to see and nothing to do. I had no purpose anymore. But now things are looking alot better. So I'm trying to get into rehab as soon as I can so I can go home. Hopfully I'll be home withen a month. I'm not trying to rush things. All I needed to know was what direction I was headed and I do so thats great.
I will continue to blog for as long as I live here. But when I do move home that will probley be the end my blogging days unless somehow he decides to let me keep the laptop at least. Then I could use that at my Grandmas house. Anyhow I'm not leaving just yet so I will keep posting. Well i hope ya'll have a great day and I will try to catch up on reading some of your posts (blogs). I fell behind a little there, sorry! I'll catch up soon. --Melissa a.k.a. Miss Heroin